When I awoke this morning or actually when i kept waking up periodically through out the night, I know it wasn't going to be a good day, even though i got to see my new room where i will be living all clean and thinking of all the possibilities that i can make it look like mine. besides that i was in tears most of the day.
I had been feeling better and such, but just today was hard, and my friends and family tried to talk me through it , but sometimes that's not enough, I am just inconsolable, i suppose i just really needed to cry.
I wanted to do a lot today, after going to look at my room and paying the rent and getting the keys and the gate code, i want to go on bike either have some sushi, or go to ross and find a cute outfit and i needed to go to walmart for some panties hehe, but nope my sad mood got the best of me and i just laid in bed watching sappy movies that made me cry more damn them lol, but of course i am like ugh why can't the man i love do that, why don't they really run after us instead of going well guess she's done where is the next girl that i am going to nail, why can't they try and be there and say but baby I love you and what can i do to get you to stay, i am sure there are guys are out there that will say oh i will do that, but i really highly doubt it, i don't think there is a true romantic guy out there, and you know why they hate chick flicks because they can never be like the guy in there that is sweet and caring and wants to take care of his love, I know i am just projecting, and that there are great guys out there and so on and so forth, but i am just going on my experiences.
I just don't want to do with my feelings right now, i try to talk to myself about them and tell my self everything is fine, stop crying and being sad, you have to move on get those feet walking in the right path, but then i guess it doesn't fully sink in and i am stuck in this pit of tears and sadness i just want to be saved, i want my prince to come knock on my freaking window and hold me so hard and kiss my lips and tell me I love you so much and i can't be with out you. Do you know how much that would make me smile, and feel me with such intense joy, it would kick my sadness ass. Then i wake up and i realize that is never going to happen as much as i think oh that would be nice if that happen and imagine it time after time, my prince will just think too far, gas is too expensive, it's late, traffic, this , that, and the other thing. which that just makes me sadder.
I get sad a lot, because i over think a lot of stuff, but i can't always run to my family or friends, so i've learned to self comfort and that's what i do. some things that help me get through my ruff times, is definitely music, i love music and sometimes the best songs can help me through take my mind off of the stuff that brought me down, also blogging helps, i love to write and i am really glad that i got back into, because it's already helping me soothing me, movies also help me but if they fall to close to the issue at hand then i think it just makes me cry more lol, so i have to be careful with that.
Thing that won't help, friends, sometimes they just can't get what i am going through and they can't really say anything that will pull me through, it's the same with family, they aren't in the situation so how can they really know what to say or what needs to be said, I appreciate their intentions, but i suppose partly it does help to talk about it and spill all that is on my mind and everything.
Today is just a sad day for me that's all, I may be the same tomorrow or be right as rain, but I will be at work and that will definitely get my mind off things, sorry for being all sad and down girl, but you know it happens, not everything is sunshine and roses as much as i would like it to be, just isn't the case.
Well i passed up dinner and now my tummy is growling, I hope your day and night is going far better then mine!!!!!
March 01, 2012
February 29, 2012
Ahhhh its been to long
oh man it's been about forever and a day since i blogged, i said i didn't want it to be like the last time where i would forget to blog, but looky here been sometime since i paid any attention to it for shame on me.
I guess i just get en wrapped in other things, also not a whole lot has been going on in my but my title does say much about nothing lol.
but as of late just been dealing with a lot of deep feelings, tears, and moving boxes, recently had to move out where i was once living, a very sad time i cried for like three days straight it was pretty bad i was a blubbering fool, so right now me and my rattie lola are chilling at my dads house, until this weekend and then i will be moving into my new place. i can tell you i've only been at my dads since Saturday and already want to get the hellitosiss out of here lol, but in due time i will and just need to endure it a little longer.
even though the move was pretty much wrapped up in sadness for me, i got to hang out with my best friend i had not seen for so long like about a month moving into the old place i moved out of right now , she got into a car accident still not sure who was at fault, but she lost her car and hasn't got a new one since like two days ago, that someone from her work game to her, not a coworker but a freaking customer how cool is that, any way we hung out on Tuesday, i got my hair done, we talked and had lunch with her and her gf, saw her new apartment she moved into, tried to go to this geo cache but it was sadly gone, i am just so surprised that I didn't cry from that, because it's a good memory, so sad it's gone sniff sniff. then we went back home showed her some video's on youtube then she had to hit the road.
another thing happening is i am trying to transfer to a different store of the company i work at, and like moving to my new place i can't wait to transfer to the new store, just tired of how they run things at the one i am currently at, i mean man they don't know how to schedule for shit, we are always short handed, and they give me all the crappy shifts blah, i am just sick of that place definitely time to transfer, not saying where i am transferring to is going to be any different but god lets hope so lol.
So i hope with this new place, i begin to work on me more, like finally getting my driving license, going to school for something i really interested in doing, so if work is to much to bare i can break into a new career. also want to be more fashionable, i have some cute pieces in my wardrobe , but i need more, plus it's mostly cute dresses, but i need shirts, and i am always in need of pants lol, oh and especially work pants lol, and i want more cute shoes, my shoes are kinda worn, but just lately haven't had the money to spend on that kind of stuff, another thing i need is bras, a girl should have array of them i don't cuz it's so hard to find a good bra , I used to buy them at mervyns but since the closed them mega sadness the only bras i found that are worth buying are from Victoria secret and they are sooooo expensive damn them lol. I also want to draw more, lately all the drawing i've been doing is little doodles at work and most have been like monsters or dinosaurs, but for the past few days it's been all emotional doodles i am going through so many right now my head is spinning.
So i guess from what you read you can get what i am going through, but i am not going to really talk about it, because the story isn't finished writing it's self out, sure the ending looks predictable and such, but don't underestimate the twist at the end it may just surprise you, or not lol, it's definitely hard right now, but i know it will get better, because i am going to make it better, now if only all of my self would believe that, lol.
well i feel great to have gotten back into blogging , i hopefully want to make it a regular thing, and share my growing journey , even though my posts will most likely be a lot of little things that don't really matter, but i am just glad i have a place to get my thoughts out about whats going on, it's just me and you lola, wish she would sit on my shoulder but she just tries to jump off, but i give you banana chips!!!
well til next time, sweet days and nights for you all !!!!
I guess i just get en wrapped in other things, also not a whole lot has been going on in my but my title does say much about nothing lol.
but as of late just been dealing with a lot of deep feelings, tears, and moving boxes, recently had to move out where i was once living, a very sad time i cried for like three days straight it was pretty bad i was a blubbering fool, so right now me and my rattie lola are chilling at my dads house, until this weekend and then i will be moving into my new place. i can tell you i've only been at my dads since Saturday and already want to get the hellitosiss out of here lol, but in due time i will and just need to endure it a little longer.
even though the move was pretty much wrapped up in sadness for me, i got to hang out with my best friend i had not seen for so long like about a month moving into the old place i moved out of right now , she got into a car accident still not sure who was at fault, but she lost her car and hasn't got a new one since like two days ago, that someone from her work game to her, not a coworker but a freaking customer how cool is that, any way we hung out on Tuesday, i got my hair done, we talked and had lunch with her and her gf, saw her new apartment she moved into, tried to go to this geo cache but it was sadly gone, i am just so surprised that I didn't cry from that, because it's a good memory, so sad it's gone sniff sniff. then we went back home showed her some video's on youtube then she had to hit the road.
another thing happening is i am trying to transfer to a different store of the company i work at, and like moving to my new place i can't wait to transfer to the new store, just tired of how they run things at the one i am currently at, i mean man they don't know how to schedule for shit, we are always short handed, and they give me all the crappy shifts blah, i am just sick of that place definitely time to transfer, not saying where i am transferring to is going to be any different but god lets hope so lol.
So i hope with this new place, i begin to work on me more, like finally getting my driving license, going to school for something i really interested in doing, so if work is to much to bare i can break into a new career. also want to be more fashionable, i have some cute pieces in my wardrobe , but i need more, plus it's mostly cute dresses, but i need shirts, and i am always in need of pants lol, oh and especially work pants lol, and i want more cute shoes, my shoes are kinda worn, but just lately haven't had the money to spend on that kind of stuff, another thing i need is bras, a girl should have array of them i don't cuz it's so hard to find a good bra , I used to buy them at mervyns but since the closed them mega sadness the only bras i found that are worth buying are from Victoria secret and they are sooooo expensive damn them lol. I also want to draw more, lately all the drawing i've been doing is little doodles at work and most have been like monsters or dinosaurs, but for the past few days it's been all emotional doodles i am going through so many right now my head is spinning.
So i guess from what you read you can get what i am going through, but i am not going to really talk about it, because the story isn't finished writing it's self out, sure the ending looks predictable and such, but don't underestimate the twist at the end it may just surprise you, or not lol, it's definitely hard right now, but i know it will get better, because i am going to make it better, now if only all of my self would believe that, lol.
well i feel great to have gotten back into blogging , i hopefully want to make it a regular thing, and share my growing journey , even though my posts will most likely be a lot of little things that don't really matter, but i am just glad i have a place to get my thoughts out about whats going on, it's just me and you lola, wish she would sit on my shoulder but she just tries to jump off, but i give you banana chips!!!
well til next time, sweet days and nights for you all !!!!
November 05, 2011
Its My Birthday!!!!!
And it was wonderful .... it's to late tonight to post about all that happened , but i will surely tell all about it tomorrow hopefully. but it was great and i have a picture of me to at least show you hehe.
I will blog soon, have a good one !!!!!
I will blog soon, have a good one !!!!!
October 31, 2011
HAPPY HALLOWEEN
Happy Halloween to all, and I hope you all had a great day and spooktastic night muhehehe lol. This Halloween like most I didn't really do anything , I did however carve one more pumpkin and that was very enjoyable, and also i dressed up , I like dressing up and such. This year I dressed up as Sookie Stackhouse !
it was really fun, I also watched a few movies, The Birds, Witches of Eastwick, Wolf , and beetlejuice, I love those movies, should of watched Rosemary's baby somewhere in there another favorite of mine. I also like i said before carved another pumpkin today, but actually carved another one yesterday as well and would love to show you both of them.
I carved this on Sunday night , quiet proud of it, I love sugar skulls or Dia De los muertos turned out really well, here is a video of a stobe light thing i did with it excuse the mess.
So again i hope that you all had a great Halloween and you are all safe and sound tonight after the mischievous fun you have.
Til I blog again, buh bye <3<3<3
it was really fun, I also watched a few movies, The Birds, Witches of Eastwick, Wolf , and beetlejuice, I love those movies, should of watched Rosemary's baby somewhere in there another favorite of mine. I also like i said before carved another pumpkin today, but actually carved another one yesterday as well and would love to show you both of them.
I carved this on Sunday night , quiet proud of it, I love sugar skulls or Dia De los muertos turned out really well, here is a video of a stobe light thing i did with it excuse the mess.
I got that strobe light from the 99 cent store i so impressed with how well it works, i was afraid to live in out in my pumpkin in fear of it being stolen , it was the last one on the shelf. here is the next pumpkin I carved.
I was trying something different on this pumpkin, he was odd shaped i was going to do another face to put on it, but then I noticed i hadn't done a owl yet and i do love owls hehe, so i wanted to try that shave the skin away look , but i do believe i did the method wrong and it was kind of hard to get around the small parts and i don't i was supposed to go so deep, but this is how it came to look and i don't think it came out so bad , i just wish i could of taken a picture of it at night , but my camera couldn't capture it, oh well.
So again i hope that you all had a great Halloween and you are all safe and sound tonight after the mischievous fun you have.
In other news my birthday is six days away.
Til I blog again, buh bye <3<3<3
October 27, 2011
More Pumpkins and More Ratties
Ahhh work day, this is my favorite type of work day, come in early, goes by fast and get to go home early. LOVE IT. also at work we sell pumpkins at first we got some good sized ones, but after they were all taken we got more in but they were like the runts of the pumpkins, the left overs lol, but after staring at them, i spied to pumpkins i really enjoyed looking at and thought it would be fun to carve up , oh please let me show you a picture of what they look like before i cut them up muhahahaa.
so when i got off from work i purchased them and then all my coworkers wondered what i was going to to with them, i am still thinking, i love to do things fun, and that i like, no more just regular jack o lantern faces, i try my best , sometimes i fail sometimes i win, like i didn't know if the rat carving was going to turn out i was taking the example from a very small picture. plus these pumpkin are smaller so it will be harder to carve I believe, and it sucks too that i can't find my pumpkin carving tool, i don't like what they have for sale in stores the carving kits they are sooo freaking cheap i remember last year i got it and most of the freaking tools broke right away ish they were so flimsy. but i have this carving knife that's been around a while and it works great ..... sigh just wish i could find it .
After work i went to eat at this Italian place that has a really good special on Thursdays bread, soup, and spaghetti for 4.95 can't beat that, I was going to try and get some tiramisu, but i was so stuffed, plus i don't know if i want to buy a dessert that cost more then my meal lol, who am i kidding yes i would lol, just hope it would be good, since I've never tried it before.
After Dinner came home wasn't sure what i wanted to do , and accidentally laid down for a mini nap, don't know if that's good, i don't like to take night naps i might have trouble sleeping tonight which has been going on lately anyway, haven't been sleeping so well, i think it's my pillow i need a pillow that will cradle my head and slap my hands and arms away because for some reason i like to sleep on them instead and then i wake up with num hands i hate that, then i have to sit up in bed and wait til they un num themselves lol, if you walked in me doing that you would think you were in some Paranormal activity movie hehe.
Speaking of movies, I really feel like watching The Birds, my favorite Alfred Hitchcock movie <3<3
So before I head off and probably not watch The Birds or something lol, i would like to share a Another picture with you, of my new pumpkins and my real ratties sitting on the pumpkins, hehe it was so cute , they were like WTH mom why are we here lol, here it is enjoy , I know i do!
The rat on the left is my little girl Lola, she's a beautiful hairless rat, and she is very independent, easily scared, loves treats (what rat doesn't), smart little girl and i love her to pieces. Next that handsome rat on the right is my boy rat Heisenberg, he is my first boy rat I've only owned girl rats, also he is adopted and i love him he is sweet, kind, affectionate, cuddly, and so so cute i just love to smoother him with kisses, and my Lola too even though she pushes me away lol. so those are my two lovely ratties and my two awesome pumpkins hehe.
Well that's all for now, I will be sure to blog again soon!!!
After work i went to eat at this Italian place that has a really good special on Thursdays bread, soup, and spaghetti for 4.95 can't beat that, I was going to try and get some tiramisu, but i was so stuffed, plus i don't know if i want to buy a dessert that cost more then my meal lol, who am i kidding yes i would lol, just hope it would be good, since I've never tried it before.
After Dinner came home wasn't sure what i wanted to do , and accidentally laid down for a mini nap, don't know if that's good, i don't like to take night naps i might have trouble sleeping tonight which has been going on lately anyway, haven't been sleeping so well, i think it's my pillow i need a pillow that will cradle my head and slap my hands and arms away because for some reason i like to sleep on them instead and then i wake up with num hands i hate that, then i have to sit up in bed and wait til they un num themselves lol, if you walked in me doing that you would think you were in some Paranormal activity movie hehe.
Speaking of movies, I really feel like watching The Birds, my favorite Alfred Hitchcock movie <3<3
So before I head off and probably not watch The Birds or something lol, i would like to share a Another picture with you, of my new pumpkins and my real ratties sitting on the pumpkins, hehe it was so cute , they were like WTH mom why are we here lol, here it is enjoy , I know i do!
The rat on the left is my little girl Lola, she's a beautiful hairless rat, and she is very independent, easily scared, loves treats (what rat doesn't), smart little girl and i love her to pieces. Next that handsome rat on the right is my boy rat Heisenberg, he is my first boy rat I've only owned girl rats, also he is adopted and i love him he is sweet, kind, affectionate, cuddly, and so so cute i just love to smoother him with kisses, and my Lola too even though she pushes me away lol. so those are my two lovely ratties and my two awesome pumpkins hehe.
Well that's all for now, I will be sure to blog again soon!!!
October 26, 2011
Days off and october skies
I had a blog once before, but I didn't keep up with it, hopefully this will be different. I just really want a place I can talk about what's going on, I know I shouldn't treat this as a diary, but I think that's what is going to happen lol. So I guess this is a welcome back hehe.
I can't help but be a lay about and just lounge in bed watch movies i love or tv all day when it's my day off, I did do some major cleaning and rearranging for furniture, but most of my time was spent laying in bed and not taking a shower til late, I love it. The weather that has been going on right now doesn't help, overcast and close to rain its soooo wonderful , cold enough to wear my cute thermal and my warm red socks, that my sister gave me because she didn't want them, and I love them especially on cold days, just what I need was some hot coco, not that right there is simple bliss
I do cherish October, not because of Halloween , which also makes it enjoyable, but everything starts to get cool and there is this hidden spark in the air, but yes Halloween oh what fun, dressing up , talking about costumes with friends, I don't really go anywhere for Halloween , not that i don't want to i do , just no one ever has anything going on that i know , which sucks, but i love to dress up anyway, this year i get to wear a wig , i cut my hair really short so it's easy to wear one now, I am going to be dressing up as Sookie Stackhouse the main character in the HBO show True blood, I love that show and I am going to dress up in her waitress uniform, they had the shirts for sale on HBO's website, but i didn't have the money to spend on that, so i made my own , I really don't like the shirt i bought it's very unflattering, but I was so proud that i used transferable paper and stuck the merlotts logo on it hehe, and i will be wearing black shorts and a little black apron, and i am going to speak in a bon temps accent hehe, not sure if i am working on Halloween because if i do it will be fun to pretend to be her, luckily we are allowed to dress up.
I am really glad I have returned to blogging , and I hope that I keep up with it. before i go i would love to show you what i carved my pumpkin this year , i am so proud of it .
I love rats, and so i thought it would be a cool idea for me to carve them in the pumpkin, last year I did a Jack face from Nightmare before Christmas, .... speaking of movies, i think watching Beetle juice would be great for this Halloween time =) .... well that's it for now , hope to blog real soon. Hugs and Kisses<3
I can't help but be a lay about and just lounge in bed watch movies i love or tv all day when it's my day off, I did do some major cleaning and rearranging for furniture, but most of my time was spent laying in bed and not taking a shower til late, I love it. The weather that has been going on right now doesn't help, overcast and close to rain its soooo wonderful , cold enough to wear my cute thermal and my warm red socks, that my sister gave me because she didn't want them, and I love them especially on cold days, just what I need was some hot coco, not that right there is simple bliss
I do cherish October, not because of Halloween , which also makes it enjoyable, but everything starts to get cool and there is this hidden spark in the air, but yes Halloween oh what fun, dressing up , talking about costumes with friends, I don't really go anywhere for Halloween , not that i don't want to i do , just no one ever has anything going on that i know , which sucks, but i love to dress up anyway, this year i get to wear a wig , i cut my hair really short so it's easy to wear one now, I am going to be dressing up as Sookie Stackhouse the main character in the HBO show True blood, I love that show and I am going to dress up in her waitress uniform, they had the shirts for sale on HBO's website, but i didn't have the money to spend on that, so i made my own , I really don't like the shirt i bought it's very unflattering, but I was so proud that i used transferable paper and stuck the merlotts logo on it hehe, and i will be wearing black shorts and a little black apron, and i am going to speak in a bon temps accent hehe, not sure if i am working on Halloween because if i do it will be fun to pretend to be her, luckily we are allowed to dress up.
I am really glad I have returned to blogging , and I hope that I keep up with it. before i go i would love to show you what i carved my pumpkin this year , i am so proud of it .
I love rats, and so i thought it would be a cool idea for me to carve them in the pumpkin, last year I did a Jack face from Nightmare before Christmas, .... speaking of movies, i think watching Beetle juice would be great for this Halloween time =) .... well that's it for now , hope to blog real soon. Hugs and Kisses<3
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